Free At Last

The hullabaloo going on in the United Methodist Church over the new found belief that a homosexual lifestyle is acceptable somewhat reminds me of the song by J.W. Work: Free at last, free at last. Thank God Almighty I am free at last.

All my life the church leaders had me convinced that I was a sinful creature in need of God’s salvation. The church employed all of these nice folks who were ready and willing to convince me that I needed what they were offering. Why, every Sunday morning they even allowed me to pay them for listening to their sin and salvation pitch.

They said that the Bible was very important, and it was the inspired word of God. God defined those sins that I needed salvation for, and these awful nice church leaders told me how to read the Bible and then confess my sins and ask for salvation.

But I digress . . . .

Numerous sections of the Bible talk about homosexuality being a sin. Let’s see, there are Genesis, Judges, Leviticus, Romans, Corinthians, and Timothy. But now-a-days, thanks to the United Methodist Church leaders, if our shoes pinch a little tight cause of what the Bible says about us being sinful creatures all we got to do is redefine what the Bible really means. Yep! Just a little reformed interpretation here and a little reformed interpretation there and all of a sudden our shoes are a whole lot looser.

All of this seems to have a lot to do with the fact that the Bible was written over two thousand years ago and the times they are a changin’. Society views things differently, and people take a different outlook about our goings on.

Uh, I digress, again . . . . . .

I have never been accused of being real quick witted, so I appreciate these awful nice church leaders for bringing this new philosophy to my attention. Actually, the more that I think about it, I am a tad mad that they didn’t do it a whole lot sooner.

You see, Cindy Sue used to live down the street, and I sure had a hankering for her, but the Bible told me that adultery was a bad thing. Now that times have changed, and I do this little reformed interpretation trick I learned from those nice church leaders, adultery is gonna be okay. Boy, Cindy Sue was sure a looker, and I know my wife would be okay with it now cause adultery won’t be on the sin list anymore. Why, I bet we could remove just about any sin from the bad side of the ledger with this little reformed interpretation trick.

But there I go, digressing some more . . . . .

The more I get to thinking about it the more I realize how grateful I am to those awful nice United Methodist Church leaders. Thanks to them I need no longer be a sinful creature.

Come to think about it, since I am not gonna be a sinful creature any more I don’t need to visit them on Sunday morning anymore cause I won’t be needing what they are offering. I can watch the entire NASCAR race and a few football games or go fishing or sleep in without worrying about my salvation.

Since I don’t need to go and listen to those awful nice church leaders talk about the Bible and the forgiveness of sin I don’t need to pay them anymore, either. Wow! I guess I really am free at last!

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